My book, “The War of the Itchy Balls and Other Tales From Brooklyn” is full of stories like this one. And like the rationale for the book, giving everyone a break from the news, I thought I’d tell you this story because it has nothing to do with drive-you-insane long impeachment hearings. So here goes.
My publisher early on in the process told me to “think out of the box” to find ways to get my book in front of people. A few weeks ago I had a lalapalooza of an idea. Fame would be at my doorsteps and books would fly off the shelves. Like many of us who get excited by a stray idea we come up with, this one began to grow on me. By the time I was committed to put it into motion, I was having dreams about it. I was having whole conversations in my head about what I’d say to America, or at least the part of America that watches Jimmy Fallon.
Here was my thinking. Amongst others, Brian Williams, the 11th Hour’s MSNBC star endorsed my book. My brother was VP of NBC News and Executive Producer of The Evening News with Tom Brokaw. “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” uses the old Johnny Carson studio in 30 Rock where MSNBC and NBC are located. This idea seemed less and less ludicrous the longer I thought about it. It’s time for you to ask, “What idea?”
If you haven’t guessed yet, I decided I could be a guest on Fallon’s show. I wrote him a slightly cheeky letter to indicate that I not only had the chutzpah to ask but that I had a quick wit and was a whiz at snappy repartee. Here I was a 75 year old on his third career from Brooklyn, with a Brooklyn sense of humor. I mean after all, a parade of TV and movie stars gets old after a while, no? Give me a chance to change things up. People would be talking about me in he morning. Or not.
I packed up the book and letter, included some promotional material so he could see my endorsers’ names in print, tootled down to the old Post Office, stuffed it all in a one-price fits all envelope, paid my seven dollars and change, and left with the cheers of the audience ringing in my ears.
Dreams are ephemeral. That’s why they are called dreams. Reality is something else again. Yesterday, reality ran into my dream like the crash car in a safety test runs into a brick wall. The result? The car and the dream lose. In the mail, was my book. It’s envelope a bit worse for wear. Stamped in big red letters was “return to sender,” not even address unknown. They hadn’t even opened it. I saw Snoopy in his Sopwith Camel raising his fist in frustration yelling, “Curse you Red Baron.” Another dream up in flames. If by the way you have an in with Mr. Fallon and his team tell them I’m still interested. Until then it was a good dream, even if a little silly–at least from my perspective.
___________________________________________________________________________________________SSee you next Sunday and remember, “Read! It’s good for both of us.”
And buy: “The War of the Itchy Balls and Other Tales from Brooklyn” Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com or the trunk of my car.
Also: Tell you family, friends, neighbors, vendors. And if you happen to have an in with a company that owns a blimp…