More New Normal Nonsense

I’m tired, for the moment, of writing about the deplorable state of our country and its rotten politics. Today its insurance companies and their advertisements.

Vintage Car Travel Postcard
“take a ride with me…”

If it were up to me I’d take Geico’s cavemen and put them in a museum exhibit and the Gecko right to the zoo. Liberty Mutual’s aren’t so bad in that they just make drivers look like idiots, which doesn’t do much for one’s security after pulling out of the driveway. Then there’s is All-State. It has made a cult figure out of a formerly wonderful actor who is now “Mr. Save 40%.” The AFLAC duck? Makes me near insane. ‘better on a plate with orange sauce. My new least favorite is Estrella Insurance. It showcases a woman whose bust is so big I have to wipe her DNA off my TV screen when the commercial is over. She works, typical of the Latino comedy sketch, with a moron. This may sound grumpy but when you think of what you are entrusting to an insurance company you’d like to think they think more of you than you being a low grade dunce being stalked by a snake in the grass.

Rattlesnake
“I’m gonna get ya!”

I’ve left out one. My agent put me with this company because it was the best deal. Every time I see their commercials it embarrasses me that I’m being taking care of by them. I speak of course of Geico’s mortal enemy Progressive. I think Jeremy’s citizenship should be revoked and if Donald Trump really were to shoot someone on 5th Avenue my vote for a target would be Flo. But there’s something else.

In my malbox (yes, I’m still getting mail but five hours later than usual) came my little blue and white box. In it were the bullet-shaped plug-ins. They would be my partner ’til death, or a switch in companies, do us part. I hate these things for two reasons. One is you don’t have to have them but it is hard not to fall prey to the lure of lower rates. They know you are weak and count on it. The other is I just know that a lot more than my driving skills are being collected and that none of the companies that tease you with these things have told the truth and nothing but the truth about what it is they are collecting. But let’s go back to rates.

The driver is told that if he/she is a “safe driver” the rates could go down as much as 10%. For me that would be maxium $20 a month–maximum. And there lies the rub. This isn’t my first rodeo with Progressive. Last time around my rates dropped 0%. I’ve never had my license suspended, gotten a speeding ticket, had a moving violation. The last accident I had was denting a car that was blocking my driveway. My wife had a wrangle with a broken parking space divider laying out of place from where it should have been. Yes, I know, these gadgets measure daily driving habits. Let me inform you of the past because as it says on the National Archives building, “Past is Prologue.” Not apparently to Progressive.

No one tells you what is considered unsafe driving. Everytime you do something that the bullet doesn’t like it shoots a little “ping” sound at you. Every time it pings I think, “There goes my discount.” The ping that bothers me the most occurs when I stop the car. Now one would think that bad things happen when one doesn’t stop the car. I guess not. If my car rocks, my partner pings. If I pull up to a red light at 6 mph but step on the brake too hard for the bullet’s liking and the car rocks forward I get pinged. What this encourages me to do is run through yellow lights rather than stop too quickly, This increases the likelihood of my getting killed, which would raise my rates. Or I begin my stop about 150 years from the light, rolling up to it and annoying the you know what out of those behind me.

Car Engine
“Who’s zoomin’ who?”

The smart thing would be to accept the rate and not take the bullet. Ah the smart thing. PT Barnum knew better. He said, “There’s a sucker born every minute and two to take’im in.” The insurance companies play us for suckers and suck us in–at least from my perspective.

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Vote! It’s good for all of us.

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