If I Said It, It Must be So–Satire

It has already been established for me that truth isn’t truth, so let’s begin looking at my presidency from that point.

To begin at the end, forget this resignation stuff. First, I told you without my brain the stock market would crash and everyone would be poor. Besides which if I resigned I’d haven no protection from that…what do you call it….rule of law stuff? And impeachment? Forgedaboudit. How can you impeach someone whose doing a great job? For instance:

I used to love the sound of the sizzle of acid rain on the roof our our buildings, so I’ve decided to allow the coal industry to produce dirty coal. Now everyone can again enjoy that sound along with me.

Someone told me the cow poop adds to the fake news global warming. Just in case they are right, I’ve decided to let people shoot any animal bigger than a cow to reduce global warming. Good, no?

My promise to you was to hire only the best. I just didn’t say at what. Who spends money better than Zinke did, I ask you? Is there a better writer formerly on my staff that Amorosa? A better statistician than my first press secretary? Can you honestly say you know anyone who could juggle the scams and keep a straight face better that my pal Paul?And dress himself? The man was born to be a prince. C’mon now!

I have a police force to protect me right? So why do people think it is so strange that I want all Federal personnel who wear guns to protect me? oh yes, in word and deed.

And let’s not forget I’ve proved that Repubicans can have a sense of humor. Take that Eisenhower guy, wow what a stiff. I do impersonations, I make up nick-names for everyone,, I do a wicked immitaion of a disabled guy. We need to lighten up folks.

Why shouldn’t I prefer Fox News? Every channel is so damned depressing. On Fox you’re left the with feeling that the country’s democracy is actually going to survive. They don’t waste time with fact-checking or negativity. My kinda guys–nice broads too.

You guys out there, own up to the truth. If you could take a poke or two at Karen McDougald or get yourself lost in that Stormy Daniels, tell me you’d take a pass and then run home to tell your pregnant wife how good a boy you were? Really? More spine. That’s what this nation needs. Red blooded Americans!

Don’t worry yourself about policy. We’ll get to it. Meanwhile that sawed off Kimchee in North Korea, I’m gonna stick a nuke up his nostril. And Putin? He’s a pee-wee. Nothing in the tank. My long game will gett’em–or is that golf?

Any way, the chef is screaming bloody murder that my Big Mac is getting cold. I gotta scarf it down before what’s-her-name shows up with that new menu and a bill for her new Condor feather coat. You don’t think I’m gonna let my wife be out dressed by some felon do you?

So I gotta go. Just trust me, I’ll be alright. You…? I haven’t figured that out yet, not at least from my perspective.

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An ocassionally snarky Bill Gralnick can be found here every Sunday. For more of the highs and lows of his third career go to his webstite http//:www.atleastfrommyperspective.net

As as Bill says, “Read! It’s good for both of us.”

 

 

 

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